Mayor Buckley Announces Jedi Religion

Believes that mind tricks could balance city budget

Annapolis (SPP) – On a typical Sunday morning, many Annapolitans may find themselves in a church pew, but Annapolis Mayor Gavin Buckley won’t be one of them. Buckley announced this morning that he has embraced the Jedi faith, the fictional faith of the Star Wars universe.

Buckley, who never publicly spoke of his religious beliefs or background before today, told this reporter at a bar in Annapolis, where both had been drinking, that he had been a Jedi since 1999. “It all started, mate, when in 1999, I saw The Phantom Menace,” Buckley explained. “Growing up poor in Australia, I wasn’t able to see the other movies in theatres, so this was a whole new experience for me.”

Seeing Star Wars on the Big Screen was what made the difference. Buckley explained that watching the movie at the Annapolis Mall was “really amazing.” “Since that time, I have seen all the Star Wars movies in theatre. They all moved me, but The Phantom Menance will always be my favorite, however. I’ve always identified with Jar Jar Binks because I know what it’s like to be a little bit different and to have people laugh at me here, maybe because of my accent, how I look, or where I am from,” Buckley stated as he drank a Bloody Mary.

Buckley went on to explain that while he never formally embraced any religion, he always felt “spiritual.” “I think I was baptised in the Anglican Church, or something like that, but my family was never that into it and neither was I,” Buckley said. “But I always believed that there was something out there in the universe, an ‘invisible man’, if you will. Religion is just the clothes that we put on him to try to explain him or to experience him. The way I experience that ‘invisible man’ is to understand that it isn’t a man at all, but a Force that permeates through every part of the universe, including us. When we tap into that Force, we can do amazing things,” Buckley explained.

According to a 2001 census, over 70,000 Australians declared that they were members of the Jedi faith, so Buckley is far from alone. The Jedi faith is not organized and it’s members often hold divergent views. For example, Buckley noted that some Jedi believe that they should not officiate at same-sex marriages, but Buckley strongly rejected that view. “Any Jedi who says they are against gays is a heretic and should be cast into the Dark Side! The Jedi believe that love is love,” Buckley asserted.

Buckley stated that he was trying to use the Force to solve the City’s budget woes, so they won’t have to increase taxes. “If someone comes in an tries to pay a toll or a fine, I’m trying to train the city staff to use mind games to get people to overpay,” Buckley explained. “Say a rich guy tries to pay a parking ticket, we take his money then say, ‘would you like to pay your ticket now,’ and try to get him to pay twice. So far, it hasn’t worked. But I am hoping with some training, they will get better.”

But not all residents should worry. Buckley stressed that the City would not use mind games to try to get the poorer residents to pay more, but would use them to try to get more money out of the financially better off. “Obviously, if we can trick people into paying more, that’s better than raising their taxes and they won’t hold it against you in the next election because they won’t know what happened to them,” Buckley said.